obachans

a long time ago, long before i first started living in japan, my image of japan was that everyone here was super nice, super friendly, and super gentle. if you had asked me 10 years ago, i probably would have told you the most dangerous people in japan were probably the japanese mafia, or yakuza.

however, had you asked me that question at the time of my last post, i probably would have told you it was rebellious kids, who live up to no law. too young to care about real japanese laws, and old enough to know that teachers wont do shit to stop you from what you're doing.

now that i've just come back from the supermarket, i have yet a newer perspective on how to answer this question. my answer now: obachans, or japanese grannies.

here's why:

i dont know if i've ever expressed how much i dislike driving in japan, but i really do. it's actually pretty scary. i mean, LA driving is SCARY, but obachans on the road are in their own separate category. i'm sure you've all heard female asian driver stereotypes, and i can assure you, those stereotypes start with obachans.

i feel like a lot of the time, grannies can be put into two categories: the very sweet, cake-baking grandmother whose excellent cooking makes up the majority of your childhood memories of her, or you have the scary grannie, the take-no-bullshit type who really knew how to screw with your mind and knew exactly how to put you in your place. japanese grannies exhibit a different kind of characteristic, that being "ruthless".

if you're driving down the road and you see a car inching out into the lane in front of you, but you're driving so fast and you're so close that you think, "no idiot would try to pull in front of me---" when all of a sudden, you see a little old lady pulling out at about 2 mph in front of you, causing you not only slam on your brakes, giving everyone in your car whiplash, but also causing you to scream obscenities out loud -- only to face the fact that that obachan will never know how she ruined your day.

this is no abnormal occurrence. this is daily life (at least for me on Tsushima). granted, anyone who's been in my car knows i get pretty bad road rage, but obachans definitely earn their reputations.

and since most roads in Tsushima have at most 2 lanes etched out (one for each direction), if someone is driving slow in front of you (like most obachans), it's tricky to pass them with all the snaking mountain roads and just narrow roads in general. however, every so many hundreds of feet, there will be a particular area on the road that gets a little wider for people to pull aside so others can pass them. guess who NEVER takes advantage of those pullouts, hence making the drivers of the 20 car caravan behind you just want to put bullets in their brains? that's right. you got it.

like i said earlier, i just got back from the supermarket. a normal supermarket obachan encounter also occurred. i always scout out my local grocery store's frozen aisle because every couple of weeks, there is a half-off all ice cream sale, which i always use as an opportunity to stock up. anyway, i'm standing there, finally decided which ice creams i'm getting, open the freezer door, and as i'm reaching in for my boxes of ice cream, i feel the weight of the freezer close suddenly disappear. as my hands close around my ice cream, i look over my right shoulder, and sure enough, an obachan is all up in my personal space, holding onto the door with one hand and reaching into the freezer with the other even BEFORE i've finished fishing out my ice cream.

and i may i just note, the freezers are fully stocked, as in there are at least 10 boxes of every kind of ice cream. and please also note, there is NO ONE within 30 feet of us. obachan, who is going to take allll that ice cream between the time i leave the freezer aisle and the time you approach the freezer? you could have, oh i dont know, WAITED until i was done getting my ice cream before besieging the freezer door. and the best part of this story is that even though i got there first and yes, i may have threatened her selection, she didn't even get the same ice cream as me! **smacks forehead**

this is only one of many times obachans have exhibited such competitive behavior around me. it seems as though every time i'm anywhere in a supermarket, if i'm standing there looking at the baking section, or pasta section, or meat section, an obachan HAS to walk up RIGHT next to me, and proceed to grab exactly what i'm staring at. i sometimes wonder if a) obachans have this evelyn-homing device or i unconsciously exert this infrared bat signal that tells obachans to home in on my location and 邪魔 my world, or b) i'm a natural born silent food advertiser. *shrug*

i sometimes wonder with all the hate i express in my blogs if i'm some kind of misanthrope... i'd like to think not, but correct me if i'm wrong..

anyway, one final comment about obachans. a while ago, i was watching a variety show where they were going around to preschools and interviewing little kids. they asked this one girl, who was probably about 4 years old, "are you scared of anything?" to which she answered, "nope. nothing."

"are you sure?"

"well, there's one thing. obachans at a supermarket sale. they don't care about kids, and they will run right over us."

i rest my case =)