a long time ago, long before i first started living in japan, my image of japan was that everyone here was super nice, super friendly, and super gentle. if you had asked me 10 years ago, i probably would have told you the most dangerous people in japan were probably the japanese mafia, or yakuza.
however, had you asked me that question at the time of my last post, i probably would have told you it was rebellious kids, who live up to no law. too young to care about real japanese laws, and old enough to know that teachers wont do shit to stop you from what you're doing.
now that i've just come back from the supermarket, i have yet a newer perspective on how to answer this question. my answer now: obachans, or japanese grannies.
here's why:
i dont know if i've ever expressed how much i dislike driving in japan, but i really do. it's actually pretty scary. i mean, LA driving is SCARY, but obachans on the road are in their own separate category. i'm sure you've all heard female asian driver stereotypes, and i can assure you, those stereotypes start with obachans.
i feel like a lot of the time, grannies can be put into two categories: the very sweet, cake-baking grandmother whose excellent cooking makes up the majority of your childhood memories of her, or you have the scary grannie, the take-no-bullshit type who really knew how to screw with your mind and knew exactly how to put you in your place. japanese grannies exhibit a different kind of characteristic, that being "ruthless".
if you're driving down the road and you see a car inching out into the lane in front of you, but you're driving so fast and you're so close that you think, "no idiot would try to pull in front of me---" when all of a sudden, you see a little old lady pulling out at about 2 mph in front of you, causing you not only slam on your brakes, giving everyone in your car whiplash, but also causing you to scream obscenities out loud -- only to face the fact that that obachan will never know how she ruined your day.
this is no abnormal occurrence. this is daily life (at least for me on Tsushima). granted, anyone who's been in my car knows i get pretty bad road rage, but obachans definitely earn their reputations.
and since most roads in Tsushima have at most 2 lanes etched out (one for each direction), if someone is driving slow in front of you (like most obachans), it's tricky to pass them with all the snaking mountain roads and just narrow roads in general. however, every so many hundreds of feet, there will be a particular area on the road that gets a little wider for people to pull aside so others can pass them. guess who NEVER takes advantage of those pullouts, hence making the drivers of the 20 car caravan behind you just want to put bullets in their brains? that's right. you got it.
like i said earlier, i just got back from the supermarket. a normal supermarket obachan encounter also occurred. i always scout out my local grocery store's frozen aisle because every couple of weeks, there is a half-off all ice cream sale, which i always use as an opportunity to stock up. anyway, i'm standing there, finally decided which ice creams i'm getting, open the freezer door, and as i'm reaching in for my boxes of ice cream, i feel the weight of the freezer close suddenly disappear. as my hands close around my ice cream, i look over my right shoulder, and sure enough, an obachan is all up in my personal space, holding onto the door with one hand and reaching into the freezer with the other even BEFORE i've finished fishing out my ice cream.
and i may i just note, the freezers are fully stocked, as in there are at least 10 boxes of every kind of ice cream. and please also note, there is NO ONE within 30 feet of us. obachan, who is going to take allll that ice cream between the time i leave the freezer aisle and the time you approach the freezer? you could have, oh i dont know, WAITED until i was done getting my ice cream before besieging the freezer door. and the best part of this story is that even though i got there first and yes, i may have threatened her selection, she didn't even get the same ice cream as me! **smacks forehead**
this is only one of many times obachans have exhibited such competitive behavior around me. it seems as though every time i'm anywhere in a supermarket, if i'm standing there looking at the baking section, or pasta section, or meat section, an obachan HAS to walk up RIGHT next to me, and proceed to grab exactly what i'm staring at. i sometimes wonder if a) obachans have this evelyn-homing device or i unconsciously exert this infrared bat signal that tells obachans to home in on my location and 邪魔 my world, or b) i'm a natural born silent food advertiser. *shrug*
i sometimes wonder with all the hate i express in my blogs if i'm some kind of misanthrope... i'd like to think not, but correct me if i'm wrong..
anyway, one final comment about obachans. a while ago, i was watching a variety show where they were going around to preschools and interviewing little kids. they asked this one girl, who was probably about 4 years old, "are you scared of anything?" to which she answered, "nope. nothing."
"are you sure?"
"well, there's one thing. obachans at a supermarket sale. they don't care about kids, and they will run right over us."
i rest my case =)
Friday, February 15, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
i am a lousy teacher
for months now, i've had a 2nd year student in middle school (an 8th grader) who is uncontrollable, obnoxious, violent, a disturbance, and a plague. in a class of only 14 kids, it's hard to ignore him when he's being so loud and offensive. till now, i've been a lot more patient with him than i would have been with, say, cousins who anger me, or some of my more annoying younger students. like i said, till now.
when i first started teaching here a year and a half ago, i noticed that the class had a pretty low english level (coupled with the fact the teacher is the most clueless when it comes to how much English his students actually know). the boys would always cheat on the activities i came up with, and the girls would just kinda stare at me not knowing what to do.
however, starting sometime last semester, sometime after i came back from the States, suddenly a lot of the students have had a boost in their English ability. i can't explain it. whereas before, most of them would have this blank or lost look on their faces, now they can actually understand a good portion of what i say, and sometimes even answer me. and it's been great. everything except this asshole.
while everyone seems (at least to me) to be getting better at English, this asshole has been getting rowdier, more offensive, more violent, and just angrier. every class with him now is a struggle to get ANYTHING done. the thing is, when he's not there (like yesterday), we can actually get stuff done. people actually get something out of class. it's just when he's there that his control spreads over all the boys (all but 2... the smart kid and the weak kid, who gets picked on for not bowing down to the asshole). then, all but those 2 boys end up being assholes on varying levels. they'll all start picking on the teacher, and apparently beating him as well as i witnessed today.
to my memory, only once have i taken out my anger on him. this is quite a few months back. as usual, he was being annoying and talking all over the class, and when i finally couldn't stand hearing his voice anymore, i walked up behind him and hit him lightly on the backside of his head with the textbook, and simple said to him, "Shh!" i think if anything, everyone was just shocked that i did that. the class is usually silent (especially the girls) because no one wants to be in the line of his fire. after that, the whiny little fart he is, just complained about how his head hurt and how he wanted to go to the nurses office. c'mon now. you're telling me that after all the fist fights you've been in, being hit LIGHTLY with a 70 page paperback book HURTS? cry me a river.
anyway, today. before class even STARTED, the asshole was yelling at the teacher AND choking him. this is only the beginning. then, i start to explain my simplified version of monopoly, which isn't about monopolies at all. each square has a question. you answer the question correctly, you get however many dollars is written down. if you land on a Oh no! box, you put your money in the middle. you land on Yes!, you get all the essentially Free Parking money in the middle.
as simple of a game this is, i still needed to explain it. the ENTIRE time i'm trying to explain this, he's talking louder than me. so i try explaining it louder, but still, all i can hear is his voice. at my wit's end, i finally "Shhh!!!!" him, and give him my i'm-gonna-chop-your-balls-off look. for about 2 seconds, the entire class was silent and taken aback. then, he regains footing. he starts yelling back, swearing at me. to which i respond, "SHUT UP!!"
now you have to understand, this has been bottled up inside for a VERY long time. i wont get into details, but after shut up, i started talking back in english (which he of course can't understand because he doesn't study and doesn't care). and since i'm talking back period, he's getting more pissed, and stands up and walks towards me like he's going to beat me. you know, i'm at the point where i'd welcome him punching me, because it would accomplish 3 things: 1) allowing me the right to punch him back, 2) getting him sent out of class, and 3) maybe, just maybe, excusing me from ever coming back this school. now dont get me wrong. i love my 1st years and 3rd years. i love having class with them. but having to deal with him that one hour of the day just sends my stress hormone levels through the roof. i seriously think i'm going to have a heart attack every time i'm in that class.
anyway, he approaches, the teacher intervenes and steps in front of him, he's still yelling at me, i'm standing there looking pissed, never taking my eyes off of his. if it's one thing, it's that i'm NOT afraid of him. he may scare all the other teachers, but i have done NOTHING to deserve the rage he channels at me. and to act like a little dick in my class all the time.. shit like that needs to be earned. i certainly dont think i've earned it.
at one point, the teacher next door comes in and asks him to stop yelling (cuz he is LOUD). the asshole eventually throws a friends metal pencil case in my direction (but really, i think he meant to throw it just onto the floor). then he comes up and shoves the teachers podium which i'm standing behind, hence everything that was on the podium and on the hidden shelf just fell to the floor and on my feet. this whole time, i didn't take my eyes of of him. i am WAY to angry at him to let him think for even a MILLISECOND that i'm afraid of him.
he finally, after several minutes of him swearing and yelling at me, sits down, keeps on swearing out loud and ranting to his friend, while the teacher goes on to repeat my explanation in japanese. the kids break up into groups and start playing. everything's good again, right? the asshole goes on to trying to fight the teacher, the whole time the teacher trying to get him to stop (even though the kid is obviously trying to hurt him for real).
about 10 minutes later, i'm flagged over to the asshole's group, consisting of the asshole, one of his lackeys (who has gone from being a very good student to from what i can tell, becoming a slacker and a back-talker), and another lackey (who has in recent times shown that he's been working hard on his english). the conversation went on for quite a while, but most of what was said:
him: why did you tell me to shut up?
me: because i heard you louder and clearer than i could hear myself.
me: why were you talking?
him: because i didn't understand what you were saying.
me: then you could have ASKED me, AFTER i finished explaining the game the FIRST time.
me: why do you hate me?
him: i hate english. and i hate him (the teacher), and since i hate him, by association, i hate you.
him: i hate english.
me: well, you can hate me and english, but you can't be disruptive in class. you can sit in the library and study if you want, just dont ruin class for everyone else.
me: you know, the only one losing here is you.
him: no, you're the loser.
me: no, you are. i know japanese and english. i'm here to help YOU. if you dont want my help, that's decidedly YOUR loss.
him: the f*ck do i have to learn english for?! i hate english!
me: *sigh*
basically, i could only understand half of what he was saying because he talks like a low-life hoodlum. and even though i didn't understand what he was saying, i'm pretty sure he ended every statement by calling me a fucker or a bitch. whatever. i could care less what he calls me.
in retrospect though, i do feel like a lousy teacher. i know it was wrong to have lost my cool in front of class like that, but it was a long time coming. and i dont even feel satisfied by my outburst. i really just want to sock him in the face. he has no right to disrespect all the people that he does. where i come from, you earn your respect, and until you do, you respect others. he has made zero effort in either realm.
and to top things off, after class, my teacher went to the head teacher/vice principal and told him about class. right afterwards, he tells me that he needs to write a report about class, documenting what happened and what was said.
now, all i can think about is, can i get fired for this? i didn't touch him at all (i restrained myself at least THAT much). can i get deported for bad conduct? part of me is worried that the report is more to report what I did as opposed to how much of an ass the asshole was being. his behavior has just gotten worse over the months.
here's the thing though. as a teacher, we're supposed to encourage all kids to keep at the school thing. we're supposed to make them think about their futures. want to be better than they are. but what do you do in the case of an overly aggressive student, who obviously doesn't care about school, doesn't care whose face he gets in, only thinks about beating or bullying people all day... is there a point where it's okay to let a child go? to just give up on a student? is there such a thing as a lost cause?
the asshole even said to me today that he doesn't even care if he ends up in prison. how do you get through to someone to value their OWN life? without even that little ounce of appreciation, wouldn't it be impossible to get him to respect others?
*sigh*
i'm kind of at the point here where i wouldn't really care if i got fired. yeah, i'd be pretty bitter that he was the reason why, but at the same time, if something as retarded as this can cause me to be kicked out of the country, well, i guess i was never meant to do this from the beginning.
more than anything, i'm just frustrated right now. i wish there was someway someone in his life could change his mind. he's apparently the youngest of 5 brothers, the second youngest who was one of my students when i first got here. that brother is now a first year high school dropout. i see him wandering town all the time with his dropout friends. i hate to say it, but dont you think this is all the product of poor parenting?... in japan, teachers are responsible for moral education. but if you go through the trouble of birthing, raising, feeding, and housing a child, you should step up and take some goddamn responsibility for it turns out. granted, peers have a big influence on kids. but if your kid is the reigning asshole and is proud of it, that makes YOU a lousy parent.
it's sad. the more i learn about the japanese school system, the more depressed i get. here's the thing. there's the moral education thing that's put on the teachers, but to make things worse, the system here doesn't end up punishing those who deserve it; it punishes the brightest kids.
for example, a while back, some of my students decided to pluck their eyebrows. eyebrows people. it's body hair. girls should have a say about stuff that grows out of their face. right? wrong. these girls got reamed out by their teachers. they're not allowed to wear makeup to school, or do stuff like plucking eyebrows.
then there are the kids who go to their teachers and ask them for their homework early so they can go to a baseball game or track meet on the mainland. what happens then? the teachers use this opportunity to lecture them about staying on top of their work, and asking them why this and that was turned in late.
and still, there are the kids who are good students, but kinda sloppy. teachers are always yelling at them about uniforms being orderly and whatnot.
like i said, the good kids get punished.
and then there are the handful of out of control rebels. when your system is based on a lofty expectation like, students actually caring about school, there is no built-in rule about what to do with problem students. which is where the asshole comes in. he doesnt fall into the regular student mold of students caring about their future. in fact, he goes to school solely TO rebel when he gets there. what's anyone going to do about it? from the looks of it, absolutely nothing. he still has over a year of middle school left. how much worse is the situation going to get? at what point will some lazy old fart finally step up to the plate and just kick him out of school? that's what he wants isn't it?
*shaking head*
i feel like i'm just stuck.. until i leave, it looks like there's no way i can avoid him. he's not going to graduate before august. at least i'm done with the school for the month, so i dont have to feel shitty about it for a few weeks. but oh man. i can only imagine how painstaking this school is going to be in the future.
and dont worry -- if i get deported, you'll all be notified =P
when i first started teaching here a year and a half ago, i noticed that the class had a pretty low english level (coupled with the fact the teacher is the most clueless when it comes to how much English his students actually know). the boys would always cheat on the activities i came up with, and the girls would just kinda stare at me not knowing what to do.
however, starting sometime last semester, sometime after i came back from the States, suddenly a lot of the students have had a boost in their English ability. i can't explain it. whereas before, most of them would have this blank or lost look on their faces, now they can actually understand a good portion of what i say, and sometimes even answer me. and it's been great. everything except this asshole.
while everyone seems (at least to me) to be getting better at English, this asshole has been getting rowdier, more offensive, more violent, and just angrier. every class with him now is a struggle to get ANYTHING done. the thing is, when he's not there (like yesterday), we can actually get stuff done. people actually get something out of class. it's just when he's there that his control spreads over all the boys (all but 2... the smart kid and the weak kid, who gets picked on for not bowing down to the asshole). then, all but those 2 boys end up being assholes on varying levels. they'll all start picking on the teacher, and apparently beating him as well as i witnessed today.
to my memory, only once have i taken out my anger on him. this is quite a few months back. as usual, he was being annoying and talking all over the class, and when i finally couldn't stand hearing his voice anymore, i walked up behind him and hit him lightly on the backside of his head with the textbook, and simple said to him, "Shh!" i think if anything, everyone was just shocked that i did that. the class is usually silent (especially the girls) because no one wants to be in the line of his fire. after that, the whiny little fart he is, just complained about how his head hurt and how he wanted to go to the nurses office. c'mon now. you're telling me that after all the fist fights you've been in, being hit LIGHTLY with a 70 page paperback book HURTS? cry me a river.
anyway, today. before class even STARTED, the asshole was yelling at the teacher AND choking him. this is only the beginning. then, i start to explain my simplified version of monopoly, which isn't about monopolies at all. each square has a question. you answer the question correctly, you get however many dollars is written down. if you land on a Oh no! box, you put your money in the middle. you land on Yes!, you get all the essentially Free Parking money in the middle.
as simple of a game this is, i still needed to explain it. the ENTIRE time i'm trying to explain this, he's talking louder than me. so i try explaining it louder, but still, all i can hear is his voice. at my wit's end, i finally "Shhh!!!!" him, and give him my i'm-gonna-chop-your-balls-off look. for about 2 seconds, the entire class was silent and taken aback. then, he regains footing. he starts yelling back, swearing at me. to which i respond, "SHUT UP!!"
now you have to understand, this has been bottled up inside for a VERY long time. i wont get into details, but after shut up, i started talking back in english (which he of course can't understand because he doesn't study and doesn't care). and since i'm talking back period, he's getting more pissed, and stands up and walks towards me like he's going to beat me. you know, i'm at the point where i'd welcome him punching me, because it would accomplish 3 things: 1) allowing me the right to punch him back, 2) getting him sent out of class, and 3) maybe, just maybe, excusing me from ever coming back this school. now dont get me wrong. i love my 1st years and 3rd years. i love having class with them. but having to deal with him that one hour of the day just sends my stress hormone levels through the roof. i seriously think i'm going to have a heart attack every time i'm in that class.
anyway, he approaches, the teacher intervenes and steps in front of him, he's still yelling at me, i'm standing there looking pissed, never taking my eyes off of his. if it's one thing, it's that i'm NOT afraid of him. he may scare all the other teachers, but i have done NOTHING to deserve the rage he channels at me. and to act like a little dick in my class all the time.. shit like that needs to be earned. i certainly dont think i've earned it.
at one point, the teacher next door comes in and asks him to stop yelling (cuz he is LOUD). the asshole eventually throws a friends metal pencil case in my direction (but really, i think he meant to throw it just onto the floor). then he comes up and shoves the teachers podium which i'm standing behind, hence everything that was on the podium and on the hidden shelf just fell to the floor and on my feet. this whole time, i didn't take my eyes of of him. i am WAY to angry at him to let him think for even a MILLISECOND that i'm afraid of him.
he finally, after several minutes of him swearing and yelling at me, sits down, keeps on swearing out loud and ranting to his friend, while the teacher goes on to repeat my explanation in japanese. the kids break up into groups and start playing. everything's good again, right? the asshole goes on to trying to fight the teacher, the whole time the teacher trying to get him to stop (even though the kid is obviously trying to hurt him for real).
about 10 minutes later, i'm flagged over to the asshole's group, consisting of the asshole, one of his lackeys (who has gone from being a very good student to from what i can tell, becoming a slacker and a back-talker), and another lackey (who has in recent times shown that he's been working hard on his english). the conversation went on for quite a while, but most of what was said:
him: why did you tell me to shut up?
me: because i heard you louder and clearer than i could hear myself.
me: why were you talking?
him: because i didn't understand what you were saying.
me: then you could have ASKED me, AFTER i finished explaining the game the FIRST time.
me: why do you hate me?
him: i hate english. and i hate him (the teacher), and since i hate him, by association, i hate you.
him: i hate english.
me: well, you can hate me and english, but you can't be disruptive in class. you can sit in the library and study if you want, just dont ruin class for everyone else.
me: you know, the only one losing here is you.
him: no, you're the loser.
me: no, you are. i know japanese and english. i'm here to help YOU. if you dont want my help, that's decidedly YOUR loss.
him: the f*ck do i have to learn english for?! i hate english!
me: *sigh*
basically, i could only understand half of what he was saying because he talks like a low-life hoodlum. and even though i didn't understand what he was saying, i'm pretty sure he ended every statement by calling me a fucker or a bitch. whatever. i could care less what he calls me.
in retrospect though, i do feel like a lousy teacher. i know it was wrong to have lost my cool in front of class like that, but it was a long time coming. and i dont even feel satisfied by my outburst. i really just want to sock him in the face. he has no right to disrespect all the people that he does. where i come from, you earn your respect, and until you do, you respect others. he has made zero effort in either realm.
and to top things off, after class, my teacher went to the head teacher/vice principal and told him about class. right afterwards, he tells me that he needs to write a report about class, documenting what happened and what was said.
now, all i can think about is, can i get fired for this? i didn't touch him at all (i restrained myself at least THAT much). can i get deported for bad conduct? part of me is worried that the report is more to report what I did as opposed to how much of an ass the asshole was being. his behavior has just gotten worse over the months.
here's the thing though. as a teacher, we're supposed to encourage all kids to keep at the school thing. we're supposed to make them think about their futures. want to be better than they are. but what do you do in the case of an overly aggressive student, who obviously doesn't care about school, doesn't care whose face he gets in, only thinks about beating or bullying people all day... is there a point where it's okay to let a child go? to just give up on a student? is there such a thing as a lost cause?
the asshole even said to me today that he doesn't even care if he ends up in prison. how do you get through to someone to value their OWN life? without even that little ounce of appreciation, wouldn't it be impossible to get him to respect others?
*sigh*
i'm kind of at the point here where i wouldn't really care if i got fired. yeah, i'd be pretty bitter that he was the reason why, but at the same time, if something as retarded as this can cause me to be kicked out of the country, well, i guess i was never meant to do this from the beginning.
more than anything, i'm just frustrated right now. i wish there was someway someone in his life could change his mind. he's apparently the youngest of 5 brothers, the second youngest who was one of my students when i first got here. that brother is now a first year high school dropout. i see him wandering town all the time with his dropout friends. i hate to say it, but dont you think this is all the product of poor parenting?... in japan, teachers are responsible for moral education. but if you go through the trouble of birthing, raising, feeding, and housing a child, you should step up and take some goddamn responsibility for it turns out. granted, peers have a big influence on kids. but if your kid is the reigning asshole and is proud of it, that makes YOU a lousy parent.
it's sad. the more i learn about the japanese school system, the more depressed i get. here's the thing. there's the moral education thing that's put on the teachers, but to make things worse, the system here doesn't end up punishing those who deserve it; it punishes the brightest kids.
for example, a while back, some of my students decided to pluck their eyebrows. eyebrows people. it's body hair. girls should have a say about stuff that grows out of their face. right? wrong. these girls got reamed out by their teachers. they're not allowed to wear makeup to school, or do stuff like plucking eyebrows.
then there are the kids who go to their teachers and ask them for their homework early so they can go to a baseball game or track meet on the mainland. what happens then? the teachers use this opportunity to lecture them about staying on top of their work, and asking them why this and that was turned in late.
and still, there are the kids who are good students, but kinda sloppy. teachers are always yelling at them about uniforms being orderly and whatnot.
like i said, the good kids get punished.
and then there are the handful of out of control rebels. when your system is based on a lofty expectation like, students actually caring about school, there is no built-in rule about what to do with problem students. which is where the asshole comes in. he doesnt fall into the regular student mold of students caring about their future. in fact, he goes to school solely TO rebel when he gets there. what's anyone going to do about it? from the looks of it, absolutely nothing. he still has over a year of middle school left. how much worse is the situation going to get? at what point will some lazy old fart finally step up to the plate and just kick him out of school? that's what he wants isn't it?
*shaking head*
i feel like i'm just stuck.. until i leave, it looks like there's no way i can avoid him. he's not going to graduate before august. at least i'm done with the school for the month, so i dont have to feel shitty about it for a few weeks. but oh man. i can only imagine how painstaking this school is going to be in the future.
and dont worry -- if i get deported, you'll all be notified =P
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