closing time

i can barely believe it, but it's already june, which means that i have roughly a month left of teaching english in japan. it's crazy how fast these 2 years have flown by, and alas, i'm forced to move on to the next step. the big question is, what is that next step for me?

for about the last month or two, i've become very panicked about what i want to do the rest of my life. now that i'm 2 years out of university, i should theoretically have a better idea of what i want to do the rest of my life, right? well, kinda.

i've recently come to the conclusion that i want to do something, anything, that allows me to use japanese and english. i've also come to the conclusion that by only having passed level 2 of the japanese proficiency test, i can't find a job in the states because if i were the only person in a could who could use Japanese, that company would be screwed. seriously. this is why i feel that if i want to use japanese for real in the future, i need to spend at least another year in japanese, staying far away from the english-as-a-second-language gig, and instead working for a legitimate business or company. i'm pretty open minded to what kind of job it is. so long as i'm challenged to read, write, and speak japanese at a higher level that i currently am. i really want to be able to learn from my next job, and more than biotech or computer programming, i can see the direct effects of being able to communicate in a foreign language (as in, either people understand me or they dont).

feeling like my best option is to work in japan for a year, i've been scouring various japanese job search engines, so far to no avail. actually, i've been in a lot of contact with one company in particular in tokyo, but long story short: i applied, they rejected me, but they won't stop emailing me questions. i feel so insulted, but hey, if they're interested enough to keep talking to me, i guess that's a good sign, right?

most of the job sites i've been looking at list "must currently be in japan" as a major requirement. considering that i still have a year left on my visa, i feel like i should take advantage of my foot being in the door and at least having an advantage over the thousands of people overseas who i'm sure are also trying to find a job in japan.

but to tell you the truth, i could just as easily go home. i've been so on the fence for the last month regarding whether i should just go home or stay in japan and try to find a job... it's a daily battle in my brain over what i should do. tomorrow is my nephews first birthday... i've missed everything so far, from my sister being pregnant, to him standing, him talking... everything. i'd like to be the cool aunt that he likes to hang out with.... i wanna babysit him while i job search in america. i guess what i mainly want is to not have him growing up thinking i'm a stranger. he's family after all.

other reasons for going home: spending time with my family, seeing friends i haven't seen since graduation, catching up on 2 years of news i've missed while i've been hiding out on my rock in the middle of nowhere.

i guess what it boils down to is this: staying in japan and while there's the potential to learn a lot, i feel like it'd be really lonely (my last experience of living in Tokyo did NOT leave a positive impression, and i fear reliving the loneliness all over again...), or going home to family and friends, but no direction in terms of career.

the plan for now is to wait out the job search.. if something should land on my doorstep before mid-August, i'm staying. if there's nothing, i'm going home. goodbye visa, goodbye japan.

oh, in other news, i know who my successors will be! there will be 2 new girls and 2 new guys to tsushima (replacing me, aaron, rob, and mitch, who has already left). mitch's position is being moved out of the middle of the island down to where i am, as most of the schools are in the south anyway (seriously, it took the Board of Education long enough. i had 15 schools at one point, while that middle position only had 4... disgusting, no?). anyway, my position is being divided between one of the new girls and one of the new guys. i'm excited for them. i remember how much i craved information on tsushima, and how panicked i was about being in the middle of nowhere. they both seem like friendly and energetic people, and i wouldn't be surprised if they were multiple-year ALTs.

at any rate, it's closing time for my JET experience. i'm glad i did it, but at the same time, i'm glad to be done. i know now that i have the patience to teach, but i'm not cut out to be a teacher. the repetition is slowly killing me (like my first month in tsushima when i did my self-introduction about 45 times. i'm not joking either! @_@). i'm glad i had the opportunity to see how a small community runs, but alas, it's time for me to move on.

whether or not i find a job, i'd still like to take advantage of my free ticket home. so folks in the bay area, if you're around come end of august/beginning september, keep a day open so we can meet up! =)