frustrated

today is just one of those days where i am just frustrated with the world.

over the last few days, life has suddenly become super busy, due largely to the fact that i'm moving into my new apartment on friday. there shouldn't be much packing to do, but i still need to clean up the new place a bit before i get a parade of japanese people to help me move.

between the physical action of packing and moving, other stuff has been stressing me out. taxes for one. details of my new apartment for another (when i can get electricity, gas, phone lines working, etc...whether or not to paint my place...where to even find paint). then there's the japanese test i need to mail out by either tonight or early tomorrow morning. i've been taking a JET Program administered correspondent course, and although it's been only marginally helpful, i'd still like to send in stuff on time, and try to keep on top of things.

then there's been my whole hanshin scare. since i've decided that i was going to stay a second year, i decided that i would not only attend the free conference in kobe (well, it's mandatory), but that i'd also latch on a visit to my host family in kyoto as well as a visit to a hanshin tigers game at their home stadium, Koshien.

sooo, last week, i finally figured out how many of us were planning on going to the game, so i started to search for tickets. except all legit online tickets were sold out.

*weeping into my sleeves*

but after doing a little more searching, i found a scalper's site, and started to debate over whether or not it was worth it to pay significantly more per ticket....

but luckily, i was persuaded to not be so frugal, so after some email exchanges, i finally bought the tickets yesterday. at least that's out of the way.

then there's been the mad search for hotels during my kansai stay... story short, i finally knocked that down too.

but then there's the junior high i went to yesterday and today. now, i really like the current 3rd years, and i really like the current 1st graders. it's just the second graders.... i dont know if there's much else they could do to prove to me that they haven't learned a THING over the last year they've been learning english. i'm talking about simple stuff. words like "where", "what" and "man"... stuff they definitely have learned.

it's one thing if you try and dont get it. it's another when you refuse to try because you believe you can't do it. i just can't stand the attitude towards english on this island sometimes. i understand that english is hard. but really -- the questions and activities we set up for them are mind-numbingly easy, and they still choose to take the shortcuts and just copy one another's papers. don't they see it's benefiting no one? am i asking you to do this activity for the purpose of filling out some piece of paper and turning it into me? i already know english. i'm here for YOU. i'm here to HELP you. why do you still refuse my help? why dont you try to think about what i'm saying to you instead of turning to your friends and asking them in japanese, "what did she just say?" and another thing, LOOK at me when i'm talking to. LOOK at me when you're answering. you're being RUDE when you dont.

arrrrrgh. so FRUSTRATING.

the other thing that frustrates me at this school is that my JTE always asks me to sit in the hall and interview each student one on one. and every time, it's the same result: the kids who try at english can answer the questions. the other 90% of kids just sit there, looking at everything except at me, and wait for me to feed them the answers. today was the first time it wasn't graded, but still..... i hate how he makes me do this every other time i come here. if he were to sit with them one on one and do these dumb interviews, maybe HE'D realize how low the level of that class is. until he realizes this, i dont think he's going to change the way he's teaching them.

i understand that there are just some classes as a whole who are unmotivated when it comes to english.. but shouldn't that mean that you should try new methods to encourage them? boost their confidence a little? ask them what would help them learn? what would make them care?

this week has been the first time i've really questioned whether staying a second year is a good choice for me. it's heartbreaking to see the kids who have NO CLUE what's going on in class. but what can i do? i come here twice a month. i try as best i can to harass kids during breaks, just get them to say hello.... basic stuff. ask them interesting stuff if i can. like, what singer do you like? do you like fish? basic stuff to boost their confidence in the language.

*sigh*

i really hope i'm not becoming a misanthrope. teaching is a lot rougher than i originally thought it would be. i'm not giving up on them, but it's hard to see hope sometimes.

sometimes i wonder if i'm one of those people that believes hard core that the subject i teach is the most important subject in the world. while i do believe it's really important, face it... if you want to travel the world someday, english is arguable one of the most useful languages. is it then so wrong that i want so badly for these kids to learn english and actually give a damn?....